I’ve been married for 12 years now, and I am still surprised at how much my husband and I have grown and changed in that time. We married young (I was only twenty) and I can say that I honestly believed that I was very mature for my age. Now that may have been very true, but I didn’t appreciate the different between maturity and life experience.
The dreams and goals I had then have transformed and some have changed altogether. Life has taught me what real love and happiness are, and sometimes it wasn’t an easy lesson to learn.
See love isn’t always romantic or sweet, and far from a fairy tale. And happiness isn’t found in finding your one true love but in finding yourself and loving those who come into your life.
And many years ago that was a truth that was hard to deal with; wait life is not a fairy tale, why??? I am and have always been, a hopeless romantic. What I loved in movies, and from my favorite books used to be the standard of love and happiest that I hoped to obtain. So when reality set in, and the veil was torn I had to decide. Do I chase a dream of the perfect storybook life, or do I except life and its beautiful imperfections?
The expectations that I have for my marriage now are realistic, and my marriage is better for it. Romance and surprises are still apart of my life, only now I don’t expect music to start playing in the background, or people breaking into song and dance.
In no way am I saying not to chase your dreams, or not to work toward something better. Rather I warn you not to overlook that which you already have. I wasted far too much time focusing on what I didn’t have, and that brought me no closer to my goals. In actuality, it stole moments from me. I had the love of a man who would do anything for me. He never forgot an important date, and always supported me. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to stop and look around.
Luckily, my wonderful husband was also learning and growing in our marriage. He had to deal with a wife that was always chasing a dream, while he was in search of his dreams. He too had to grow up and learn to identify the difference between needs and wants. Juggle spending time with friends, family, and a sometimes needy wife 🙂
See we both had a lot of growing up to do. But the wonderful thing is that we did it together. As we grew and changed, we made sure that we didn’t get pulled apart from each other in the process. Our goals turned from being solely about our own individually desires to what we wanted for each other, and as a family. Now we argue less and communicate more.
Our marriage (even with all that work) still isn’t perfect, but the difference now is that we don’t let that get in the way of our happiness. Balancing our life has been key to our success. What I do for yourself, my spouse, and children is a constant juggling act. But it can be done.
My husband and I plan as many outings/dates as we can without the kids. And when it comes to our kids we wholeheartedly jump into their extracurricular activities; we’re their biggest cheerleaders. And I make sure to have ‘me’ time (surprisingly this area has been the hardest for me to achieve). Whether it’s just having quite time to read, write, or catchup on my favorite shows; to getting all dolled up and getting together with my friends. I find pleasure in all of it.
Life is exciting and different every day even in its sameness. I wonder how much I will learn and grow over the next 12 years?
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