Learned Skill
As parents you and I make so many decisions each day that we can forget it’s a learned skill. That’s because we’ve had years of practice. From the moment we wake up until we lay our heads down, we are constantly making decides for ourselves, and for our family. It is estimated that on average an adult will make 35,000 decisions each day, while a child makes around 3,000. I don’t know about you, but both of those numbers sound pretty significant to me. So it’s no wonder that decision making can be a challenge for our kids. Especially our teenagers when you see the jump they are expected to make.
https://www.ladydspeaks.com/when-creating-leads-to-exploring/
Model It
I mentioned that we make many decisions daily, however, that doesn’t guarantee all of them are good ones. In fact, some days we may feel lucky to have gotten anything right. But like it or not, as parents we are to model how to handle the plethora of choices daily life sends our way. Think about how you make decisions. Do you sit and write up a pro and con list, research online, call a trusted friend, pray?
Our response maybe second nature now, but do our kids see the process? Let them in on the secret. Allow them to witness your thought process when the decision falls squarely on your shoulders. Or exhibit how you and your spouse compromise on matters both big and small. Whether it’s around the dinner table or in the car our kids will benefit from hearing from us. Not just by talking about it, but by showing them with our actions.
My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck
Proverbs 1: 8-9
I have definitely been guilty of making decisions for my kids unnecessarily. What do I mean by that? Well, imagine your in the drive-thru (of a place you’ve been to a hundred times before.) And just as you’re about to order to call out to the back seat saying, “You want chicken nuggets, right?” Not a big deal, sure, but hear me out. Your question wasn’t really providing them with a choice. But rather directing them to the answer you wanted.
Let Them Choose
Now I am not saying they should always get what they want, we know where that can lead. But when they’re young and the decision they’re making won’t affect the state of the union, then let them choose. Like any skill they need to practice it. So when big decisions come they’ll be confident in their ability. Otherwise, they’ll expect you to do all the thinking for them (at least for a time). And before you think that that sounds pretty good just remember, that that power/authority can be transferred to someone. Personally, I’d much rather them learn from their own mistakes, then to be dragged along by others?
Be Available
Earlier this week I happen to watching Dr. Kathy Koch on Facebook. Apparently, the last few weeks she has been going through her series about why teens have a hard time making decisions. Ironic, right? Well, I loved that she referred to our relationship with our kids as a helpful tool in this area. They need to know that they can come to us with all their ideas, choices, and problems. That we’re there for them to bounce ideas off of as well as have discussed with.
If we don’t have time to help them with the little things, why would they come to us for the big. I know from experience that this is much harder than it sounds. After hearing your hundredths question about what they should watch, play, draw, wear, etc it can be tedious. All we can do is offer a listening ear and occasionally turn the question back to them (i.e. I don’t know what do you think?)
https://www.pluggedin.com/conversation-teen-screen-expert-dr-kathy-koch/
Facing Failure
No one likes failure. But we can’t let that fear keep us or them from making choices. We don’t know what the outcome will be, so we have to encourages our kids to make the best decisions they can. With the information they have at hand, and based on the plans they’ve made many times it’s still a leap of faith.
And just because you choose it doesn’t mean it will work the way you’ve planned. They join a team that doesn’t seem to be a good fit, or apply for a job and don’t get a call back. Yes, that can be disheartening, but it is also an opportunity. A chance to look at other options or rethink previous ones. As the Scottish author Samuel Smiles once said
“We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery.”
How true that is. No one likes to lose, but what we must teach the future generation is to stay on course. To persevere no matter the struggles or setbacks. Not in search of perfection, but rather for purpose. Making decisions can be terrifying or exciting, it’s all about one’s perspective.